i miss summer

you fucks.

yeah... hillarious hoax. you fucks.

Update: Jeff Goldblum NOT Dead; Reports Of Hoax Surface

By Jeffrey Hyatt

Jeff Goldblum is not dead.

Rumors hit the ‘net Thursday afternoon that New Zealand Police were reporting that actor Jeff Goldblum had fallen to his death on the set of a new movie. Thankfully, the report turned out to be a hoax.

Police National Head Quarters in New Zealand told 3 News they know nothing about the claims and have not had any reports of such an incident in Northland. They say similar rumors were circulating six to eight weeks ago and believe it’s false information.

The New Zealand Film Commission has also told 3 News that they are unaware of Jeff Goldblum currently filming anything in the country.

MOONWALKER KIDS

who remembers how fucking cute these kids were.




SHEMONE!
HEE HOO!

today is a sad sad day.

cheapasssss

so. being poor as shit.. is shit.
but at least my delicious dinner didnt get in the way... this is Custards budget Gourmet Dining 101.

now.. THIS fine Cab Merlot is the only cheap bottle of wine i will usually finish by myself.. reguardless of how poor i am.
Its called Road Knight and its about $11 at your local. fucking tasty.
nice and dry, and still comes with a cork
which i find delectable!
tasty tasty salmon steaks.
this is acutally the first time ive eaten a 'steak'- let alone a steak of fish in about... 7 years. so this is big.
and two only set us back around $3.50 each. which is pretty cheap.
Adam made the skin all crunchy and had garlic.
on a bed of Broccolini- $2 from our local.
and some potatoes- roasted with rosemary and salt.
(4 potatoes like... i dno how much.. fuck all....) rosemary from front garden.
(yes i steal my neighbors herbs...)
man.. i know this is shit.. but it actually got rated ABOVE CADBURY DAIRY MILK in the taste to price test.
and hot damn this stuff is great...
ahh together
$11 wine
$7 fish
$5 vegies (i guess)
$2 chololate
thats like $24 for the tastiest meal ive ever had!.. maybe..


any one would be forgiven for thinking that i only just discovered how to cook at home.
no.
i just was bored and thought this would entertain a few souls who need some inspiration and note that staying in bed with wine is fucking awesome.

yay.
life!

simply awesome

so im lying in bed, after a SIMPLY AMAZING night.

because i actually met simply red last night.
evidence:
(yes.. his signature...)
anyway......
my mate Arsenio showed me this amazing website and now all i can think of is toasted sandwiches and decking my house out in shit like this!











happy saturday!

COMPETITION TIME

aiight
so.. you want some relish!?!?!


ive decided i have way too much- so..

competition as such:
the winner will receive a delicious jar of relish. and second place will win ..... a very special trinket.....


all you need to do is write a dope soliloquy ('there once was a man from Nantuket..." styles)
about relish... or me.. or relish and me.

yep.
do it. its tasty.

that fat fuck from Master chef told me so...

Custards Craft

ahh.. well, its uni holidays- officially.
and im broke as shit.
So what else to do than have another exciting edition of...


todays craft time is inspired by my good friend in the kitchen- Stephanie Alexander...
this book is absoloutley amazing.
it has literally EVERY RECIPIE I CAN THINK OF and about 350 variations of it included. ULTIMATE KITCHEN HANDBOOK!


i am pretty much the condiment queen. So i decided to have a crack at a Relish Recipie from said book...
the recipe called for a whole bunch of herbs that are super expensive- so i decided to kinda wing it in the herb department- and utilise that what i got.
so ive got 5kg's of tomato.....and i thought some capsicum might not go astray- and then some tasty tasty mustard seeds- cos i have this dope relish called "Red Kelpie" that i fucking love that had them in it.....
and some other shit i cant rememeber..
stewed it all up for a few hours.
and...
RELISH!



so today i woke up to like 9 bottles of Relish that i was so so so sick of tasting yesterday-i totally forgot what it tasted like-
so i made a cheese and tomato and relish toastie..

i gotta say.... not bad for a long time lover, first time maker!
pretty damn good actually... its not totally congieled like chutney jam shit- cos i hate it when its too sweet so i didnt add so much sugar... and its kinda nice and runny and tasty and chunky.

so im pretty damn happy with the result!!!
oh and check out this fucking book that our mate gave us!



that guy has totally only ever eaten meat. he is just a shiny gelatinous blob of meaty goo...
oh god i love this book!


meh
i DO have 9 bottles of this stuff... so maybe ill make a RELISH-OFF.

just a reminder, last time this happened, Ollie DID get his jam in the end. HOWEVER,
i must give a warning:
it is NOT advisable to go out getting wasted after getting jam, as you may end up with jam throughout your belongings from glass-smashing.
OR worst case senario- no jam at all for lack of memory of jam location.

you HAVE been warned.

the happy haps.

well.... looks like i is done with another semester of uni.
yay!!!!

so check it. i was about to flunk this one subject on purpose cos i couldnt be fucked learning Fucking Flash.
but then. Erian, the little computer nerd from the heavens. came down and taught me the ways of the flash!

so here it be kiddies! TURN YO VOLUME UP AND WITNESS MY PATHETIC LAST MINUET ATTEMPT TO NOT FAIL A CLASSS!


yep and dont forget this.

i think its a great idea to have a dirnk on a sunday.
who needs the excuse though , really...

art tip

ALRIGHT
i think i may have talked about this before. but
KEEP THE 12TH FREE! for a bit. if you want to come to this dope show.




50 artists creating 50 works on Belvedere Vodka bottles.

All bottles are for sale for $350 each. Your chance to purchase an art work that you can take away and drink!


McCulloch Gallery has invited 50 prominent artists to immortalise a favourite image on a Belverdere Vodka bottle. The challenge is being met with enthusiasm as the bottle itself provides on its surface multi-faceted angles and planes for an artist partaking in this smooth vodka experience either physically or imaginatively. Belvedere Vodka is known for its superior quality whether due to the uniqueness of its source (the single gold rye grain) or because its distilling process is designed to create the smoothest of drinks. Six hundred years of manufacturing this vodka has meant that the methodologies utilized in the distilling process have been perfected and help explain why Belvedere Vodka is revered by artists whether visual artists, poets and novelists or musicians.


Artists include-

Adam Cullen
Rachel tonge
Markus cobbledick
Twitchett and Tonge
Deb
Ha ha
Megan Dell
Dave smith
Dave gill
Chris berg
Sarah beetson
James money
Josef marzi
Andrew mattock
Tutu
Stephen Baker
Andre Stefan White
Neil McIrvine
John Forrest
Luke Kopycinski
Luke Lucas
Josh Lord
Custards
Bryce Aston
Kym Ramadge
Bent Sideways
Mr Crunchy
Corin Lee Spencer
David Disher
John Knap


oh yeah, i keep hearing new figures but im pretty sure Chivas Regal have chucked like.... $10,000 into the opening night
well worth the mooch.

McCulloch gallery is just off Elizabeth and Little Bourke st's in the city.

the week that will be

This week is super hectic as i have a million assignments to do.al due friday and I is freekin!
(that sounded like a line from Clueless.. damn)

anyway! quick reminders for the coming weekend.Yep. 7th of June. Public holiday! SUNDAY!
BEER.

and im excited cs my mumma is in town the next day. lucky her. she gets to witness me hungover- yet again.
YIPEE!!


Quick plug . a segment i like to call "my awesome friends"

One day Hanh decided to make his own clothing label- which- as it turns out- is fucking awesome.
he decided to call it "life like'
so keep an eye out for it!
He is certainly a talented lad and makes pretty things like this (see below) on amazing quality hoodies, crewnecks and t shirts.


he has a much larger range than this, but i dont see why i should do all the leg work. For your own benifit you will find this. He hand prints everything with love too!

anyway. right now he is working on a Colab. with Drewfunk. which should be amazing!

Im pretty sure you can contact Hanh for hookups etc.
or, he had a stall at the sneaker swap meet on sunday- so no doubt it will be at the next one too.
anyway. i made a design for him- which, as it turns out- is a bitch to do by hand. so he managed one... for me.
and here it is.
aint she pretty?!?


thanks hayley for the photo!!
but yeah get on it.

thats it. work time.
coffee time.