Wednesday, May 27, 2009


so. i love rings.... sometimes.
i really love 2 finger rings because sometimes regular rings make my fingers a little claustrophobic and i cant draw/write properly. which causes me angst.
so the 2 finger ring gives me a little more air between my fingers. and i like it more.
i love these wedding rings-
so so very nerdy.

i also love stamps. so anything that enables me to stamps things anywhere i go.
fine by me.
i DO think they need to make them into 2 finger rings and make them a little less MANly.
knuckle dusters are my shit.
man if i was rich and could pull it off- id bust out the dopest knuckle dusters!!!! man!!!!
id be sooo pimpin'!!!!
these are awesome. imagine if you could grow like- basil or parsley in your knuckles. or weed. yeah weed knuckle dusters.
impractical but dope.

not too sure if anyone rememebers. but a while ago i mentioned i made some dope knuckle dusters i my first year of uni- 2005.
i had a dream last night that some fucking cunt took my idea and made millions off it.
so i just wanna put it down right here and now that my GERM FREE dusters (made out of Imperial Leather soap) are MY genius idea- and one day i WILL get around to making them en'masse!
so back off evil dream-man.

this is also one of my personal favourite rings.
the mad oyster shucker.
git your hands on one of these genius babies at the ROSE ST MARKETS every saturday. (there was only two 2 finger ones- but im sure if you ask nice he will make you one.... if you wanna be like me...)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


this is one of the least funny emails i have ever recieved..

who wants to get wasted with?!

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Sa
uvignon Blanc

uvignon Blanc is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Sa
uvignon almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living.

uvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic
lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister....


* The consumption of
Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not..

* The consumption of Sa
uvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Sa
uvignon may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Sa
uvignon may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

* The consumption of Sa
uvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

thank mum

Monday, May 25, 2009

fuck you chk chk BOOM

by the way.
does anyone else think that the funniest thing about that interview with 'claire the bogan' is that at the end she goes

"and then i ran away cos that's all i wanted to see"


fuck today tonight. you suck. stop wasting my valuable time
(damn you!)

there ya go.. im posting about this fucking chick.. which is validating her existence.
funny shit.
nice work.

monday's milk

this is monday
this is Nippy's. this shit it the dopest milk. it comes in a box.
and we all know how much that makes me happy.
more recyclable etc. (fucking hippy)
may i point out the straw...
i dont know if anyone has noticed.. but the straw is one of those retractable ones to they fit onto the box but also down to the bottom of the container, when in use- so as to get every last bit of delicious Nippy goodness..
but it ALSO has a point of articulation.

the benifit of this is that you can actually DRINK whilst you are horizontal.. ie. in bed, sprawled on the couch- WITHOUT having your popper at an impractical angle.
pure genius.
this product also uses this dope UHT reduced fat milk- so people like me dont feel to Phlegmy after snacking, you can also store it un refridgerated for you bulk buyers.

id also like to personally reccomend the Honeycomb flavour... its ten times better than the stupid cadburys "Crunchie" one that comes in that over-the-top fancy plastic peice-of-shit bottle....

im glad thats out of the way... now this monday i feel a little like this
...... but since consuming Nippys i completed 2 essays and found some fucking amazing images.

oh yeah and ive decided what my 'quirky-old-lady-collectable' will be/is...
My mum collects Owls which is pretty cool. and i know a few old lady turtle collectors...
ALSO fairly cool. but ive decided on Lobsters. because (a) alicia and i once bought plastic lobsters from a 7/11 at like 2 on the morning once and thought it was pretty cool.
(b) im sure lobster collectables are kinda harder to find that dolphins and kittens so i dont run the risk of ending up with like 20 billion lobster toys...


ahh i hate mondays

Saturday, May 23, 2009

whats good?

im nervous.
the thought of having to be at work at 11am sunday is scaring me.
but so so so worth it..

TGI F(vaela!)

Friday, May 22, 2009

mini book club.

we all know chuck palahniuk. we all LOVED fight club. and continued to quote it constantly for years to come.
but his short stories always got me.
this one is fucking hillarious.
FOR BEST RESULTS: i recommend you read it out loud to a youngster in a German accent.

i also reccomend reading the book PYGMY... cos it looks like its going to be a great read.
when i can find it...

Case Study Operative Family Bear Animals by Chuck Palahniuk

Note: Chuck Palahniuk wrote the following to read on tour for Pygmy. Chuck’s idea was to create the kind of bedtime stories which Pygmy would be subjected to during his ideological training.

Existed once time traditional heterosexual family unit composed Mother Bear animal, Father Bear animal, Offspring Bear animal, existing as proletariat family, laboring for to bring total fruits much future success to most-glorious nation state. As solely correct example, noble family of Bear animals occupy modest cottage containing practical, durable furnishings with foodstuffs provided by glorious, most-generous state.

As every all esteemed Bear animals native to state—Mother Bear animal, Father Bear animal, Offspring Bear animal—all boast coats of most-deep fur coloring. All Bear animal display much strong vigor, great courage and intellect, performing top-joyous to labor lifetime in dedication to enlightened vision of state.

Occurring one occasion, did Mother Bear animal prepare breakfast meal consisting of stewed porridge. Through generous wealth fuel wood provided by state, did finished porridge occur too vastly heated for immediate consumption by animal family. Instead, voted Bear animals to labor—to vacate most-comfortable domicile and make labor within glorious salt mine, harvesting salt for the more-great glory of this top-glorious national homeland.

During absence Bear family from immaculate state-provided domicile, did arrive American trespasser criminal. Head of trespasser American festooned decadent golden hairs. Devil American criminal—in actual degenerate spoiled female youth, did violate vacant domicile of noble much-laboring Bear animals. Thereupon did American devil youth gorge own self consuming stewed porridge of breakfast meal, vociferous to declare initial hearty porridge of Bear animals too heated. Next porridge, too chilled. Final porridge, did glutton American greedily, fully theft.

Perhaps possible, such youth related sister sibling of corrupt American heiress Paris Hilton? Perhaps, merely coincidence. Perhaps all every citizen United State such finicky demon. Every always too hot, too cold, too dirty, too infested with lice, foreign foodstuffs always too imbued with rodent feces, too covered with larva of black housefly. No… Never nothing ever good quality enough for choosey American tourist.

Upon devastate breakfast porridge did devil American of golden hairs experience extreme sloth such typical of United State youth. Investigating state-provided sleeping mats, did devil child once more declare initial mat feel too solid. Declare second mat too yielding. Upon third mat did lazy, slothful trespass criminal achieve slumber.

Next now, trio mighty proletariat Bear mammals return subsequent diligent laboring in glorious salt mines of state. Mother Bear animal, Father Bear animal with Offspring did repeat enter own domicile. Did discover breakfast meal of stewed porridge, consumed by trespasser. Next then did trio of Bear animal family make discovery of slothful American burglar making slumber upon state-provided sleeping mat.

Same now, golden-hair criminal awake, in manner of selfish, coward American make scream, most-loud, prior to attempt flee. Springing for escape fate, in vain did United State devil thief leap from sleeping mat for attempt evade noble Bear animals. Nevertheless did claws of Mother Bear animal seize trespasser by golden hair, halting escape. Quick, next now did savage jaws of Father Bear animal sink jagged teeths into screaming windpipe of imperialist criminal. Entire domicile filled dying screams, spouting blood of decadent state enemy. Only last did Offspring Bear animal plunge own immature claws within ribcage of golden trespasser, seizing alive, spasming heart muscle for to rip free of chest cavity. No-digested porridge of breakfast meal did pour from eviscerated bowel flesh of captured thief. Within next now, criminal slaughtered and Bear family feasting upon hot, steaming corpse, pausing only moment so enable trio of such noble laboring animals for crane all heads backward upon necks, making vast howl in unison, howling over devastation of defeated American, did Bear family shout:

Every All Glory to be Accomplished in Honoring Philosophy This Single Correct Homeland State

Read More:
Case Study Cloaked Operative
Case Study Operative Witch

Thursday, May 21, 2009

mini food is good food

so... today my one mini trinket...

turned into a COLLECTION.. (adam tells me to have a 'collection' you need 3 or more of an item.)

dodgy photos i know...
first we have MEXICAN DINNER PARTY!!!! (complete with tiny little lime slice for corona)

now we have this HONG KONG CAFE!
im yet to figure out exactly what the meal consists of.. so far ive gathered its a cup of tea. a cup of ovaltine. eggs and a sausage. some sugar and some werid looking soup stuff....
i like it.

whats next you ask??
well.. hopefully...


Monday, May 18, 2009

today was the day my friends, today was the day,

i know. you have probably all been waiting with bated breath...
"where is Claire's personalised continental-cup-a-soup mug?!.when will she get it in the mail!?!?"

relax people. because today.... today was a very big day for me.

tea tastes better from it. and now everyone knows its MY MUG!

Friday, May 15, 2009

tonight yay

tonight tonight tonight!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

yeha i reckon im gourmet.

so tuesday night is now officially date night.
where we go out and eat dinner somewhere. and its nice and its tasty and its fun.
2 weeks ago we went to Claypots on Gertrude St, fuck that place is tasty. and not nearly as expensive as i thought it was going to be!
last tuesday was CIRC DE SOLELI... yeah i cant spell.
that was dope. and last night??

yeah. its beans.
the tastiest beans invented.

sitting outside at night in the courtyard- we were served a warm pot of Sake and squished ourselves into the floor tables for a treat.
we ate some tempura vegies and then some spicy salted squid... (holy shit)
and then some little tuna salsa thingie in a spring roll type basket (im all about edible plates)
some tasty tasty salmon and tuna..

i cant even remember exactly what it was.
the whole experiance was lovely.

then we trotted accross to panama dining room for some single-malt and a fair whipping at pool.
(the table there is HUGE!)

if you have a hankering for sushi and have a few spare $$. Wabi Sabi Salon is the place to go!.

also also. the cafe below my house got a review from that uppity fat fuck from master chef.... and he didn't diss it. which is good. because if he did i would have had to hunt him down, rip out his tongue and choke him with his own taste buds.

we love CIBI

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

yes please!

i would name this dog bob or craig or tuffcunt


Friday, May 8, 2009

art fart and free vodka

still sans-camera.
because im too lazy and too poor to buy a new $100 battery when all i really want is a new camera...

there is a few shows coming up that im involved in..

this is a tasty (still full...) bottle of Belvedere Vodka.
now im going to be honest. i dont really know a whole bunch about this show. i left McCulloch Gallery the other day with a full bottle of Vodka and instructions to paint on said bottle....

but its opening on the 8th of june at McCulloch gallery in the CBD. Chivas Regal have bounced like 10,000 into the opening and running of the exhibition. i think all yall alchoholics out there need to come and pretend to support me and DRANK SOME!

and then AWOL same same and i are having a show.. at where else.. but fucking workshop.
man im so over having shows there..
someone help me..
anyway. come along. zandor has been in sydney painting away like a mad man. so come check it out. should be a winner.!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Class A of a day

= class a mc.
she is awesome. she makes music and sings songs is incredibly good looking and is generally a fucking cool chick.
she also made a video clip for one of her tunes and decided to make the decision (possible mistake), of inviting Alicia and i to be her hoochies in it.
this is what happened last sunday between the hours of 8am and 6pm.

we is rap-posing bandits.
someone actually yelled out at me

... my bike is rad...

oooh yeah baby! wardrobeeeeeee!
we got our goon-out-of-jars+sunshine on.

Andreas Gangstas.. very convincing...

andrea rap-danced and i danced like a skinny white girl.
and then i fell asleep. ill let you all know when you can look at us being cool on film soon.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Saturday, May 2, 2009

fun with food!

id just like to start with something that really should have been in my hamburger post..
but... it was worth the wait.

this is kinda fucked...